The crap joke thread

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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Thu 12 Nov 2015, 4:19 pm

I keep buying leeks because I have potatoes. Then buying more potatoes because I have too many leeks. It's a vichyssoise cycle.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Thu 12 Nov 2015, 4:20 pm

I took the current Mrs King to the cinema last night to see Suffragette - 2 hours of a womans struggle...there was frustration, anger, tears, despair and finally victory.

Anyway, after she'd parked the car we went inside and caught the end credits.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby tyza1971 » Thu 12 Nov 2015, 5:36 pm

naking wrote:I took the current Mrs King to the cinema last night to see Suffragette - 2 hours of a womans struggle...there was frustration, anger, tears, despair and finally victory.

Anyway, after she'd parked the car we went inside and caught the end credits.


:rofl:
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Tue 17 Nov 2015, 9:04 am

Listening to some music at home last night. The current Mrs King wanted me to put on The Cure. I didn't have any so put on Placebo instead - seemed to do the trick.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby tyza1971 » Tue 17 Nov 2015, 9:23 am

naking wrote:Listening to some music at home last night. The current Mrs King wanted me to put on The Cure. I didn't have any so put on Placebo instead - seemed to do the trick.


:roll:


:lol:
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Wed 09 Dec 2015, 4:07 pm

Last Christmas the current Mrs King gave me an intermittently functional cattle prod

I try not to hold it against her but it's the only way I can tell if it's working
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby tyza1971 » Wed 09 Dec 2015, 5:23 pm

naking wrote:Last Christmas the current Mrs King gave me an intermittently functional cattle prod

I try not to hold it against her but it's the only way I can tell if it's working


:tumbleweed:

:Y:
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Fri 25 Dec 2015, 10:56 am

I got the current Mrs King a prosthetic leg for Christmas.
It's not her main present - it's just a stocking filler.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Fri 25 Dec 2015, 10:59 am

I also bought the Current Mrs King a fridge for Christmas.

You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.....
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Tue 29 Dec 2015, 9:12 am

The current Mrs King and I had a huge row last night. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see her face when I tell her that I just won the Nigerian lottery.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby Ghost Cat » Tue 05 Jan 2016, 7:03 pm

Where do we get mercury from?

HG Wells
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Wed 27 Jan 2016, 7:33 pm

I asked the current Mrs King to get me a Superman costume for a fancy dress party we were invited to tonight. She came back with a Spider-man costume and I went up the wall!
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby citizen_fish » Wed 27 Jan 2016, 9:47 pm

I got invited to an S&M party

but i couldn't attend,

I was tied up at the time.
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby Ghost Cat » Tue 02 Feb 2016, 12:09 pm

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me this morning.

It's okay though, I only have super fish oil injuries........
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Re: The crap joke thread

Postby naking » Wed 17 Feb 2016, 9:31 am

Really worried about my parrot. Keeps saying "I can't go on, I hate my life."

The current Mrs King is too selfish to notice, always busy crying.
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